Friday, September 05, 2003

To Further The Common Knowledge That I Live In Suburbia:
Today a pep rally was called. For the golf team.
Go, team, go!
I love it how all the freshman cheerleaders dress up in their "body huggers" so that we can all identify the future whores quickly and with no suprises.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:34 PM

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Doing It In The Name Of Social Science
Mitch baby,
We need to talk.
I'm a rational, practical person. I realize that some facts, such as "I've only known of your existence for a week", "I don't know your last name", and "The only words I've ever said to you were 'Julia Sweeney'", can kind of make this whole situation awkward, but we can just shelve and forget about those for a moment, right sweetie?
It's not mere coincidence that we have mirror-image schedules, so that I always see you everywhere; albeit walking in the opposite direction. Nor is it merely bizarre that we both always tune in for SNL repeats, but not the live show. It's not even weird that you played Danny to my best friend's Sandy when you were in the 8th grade. It's no mistake that you wore an old "You are leaving the American sector" t-shirt under your polo the day you smiled and broke my heart. Nor the way you were late to your tennis practice in order to patiently explain to a retarded soul that Santana sucks ass compared to Hendrix. Or how we both have the same sort of thick-black-rim reading glasses. I've done my research.
No, Mitch honey. All of the above and all of the below either indicate that we are soulmates and lovers, or that you are homosexual and was placed on Earth to torment me. But I can totally deal with either. I'd understand, you know?
Bubble-gum-chewingly yours,
That Girl In Your Debate Class Who Is Not A Redhead, or, alternatively,

Fresh squeezed by melly at 5:22 PM

Monday, September 01, 2003

Things Of Importance That Were Discovered On This Rainy Labor Day
--Seeing as my mother went in to labor on Labor Day 13 years ago, my sister's birthday is on Wednesday. I'm really bad with dates, and totally forgot about this. God is smiting me by not even letting me go last-minute shopping for her now, because all of the stores are closed, of course.
--Driving out to lunch today with the fam, we passed a "Home Medical Supply Company". Among the things it makes? "IV Units, Stretchers, Oxygen Monitors, and Vibrators." Because my mind is usually floating among untreated sewage, I laughed.
--Spring Break 2004 will be spent in the Cayman Islands. I hadn't even heard of said islands before this. But who am I to complain? This will be my first vacation ever spent lying on a beach instead of running around learning things.
--Because my father works at Pfizer, a pharmaceutical company, we get discounts on the different medicines they make (Celebrex for a buck, anyone?). I was going through our monthly order form, making sure my allergy medication was ordered when I flipped to a page that said "Gums/Mints" at the top. No one informed me that Pfizer made Trident, nor the fact that I can get a 100-pack of it for 25 cents. To think, my life could have been so much more fulfilling if only I had more cheap gum to chew.
--My left foot is exactly a quarter of an inch longer than my right foot. No wonder I've always hated wearing shoes.
--If I mail in $14.99 of my hard-earned money, Kraft will send me back a box of macaroni and cheese with my picture on it. What's more, it makes a great gift for family and friends.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:26 PM