Thursday, July 17, 2003

Putting The Ass in Classy
I heart underwear.
Not just because underwear provides a good, hygenic purpose, but because underwear can be cute.
Plus I heart dancing around to that old, annoying, "I'm Blue Dabeedeedabeeda" song in cute underwear.
So today, beautiful today, I probably single-handedly saved the cotton industry. Boxers and briefs and bikinis. To get another italic and, I'd have to say thongs, but that would be a lie, since I refuse to dental floss my butt all day. As for the boxers, I use 'em for pajamas, thankyouverymuch.
Know what else I heart? That I'm the Perfect Ten model of Mellys everywhere.
And while this post has been high on the assy (asinine?) and low on the classy, it is with this that I sign off. I'm being rodeo-ed into going to a family reunion out in the boonies of Minn-eee-SOH-tah for roughly a week, which is bad because this is the birthplace of the mosquito race and good because this means I won't have to see the Bill Clinton priest, for those of you who can time warp yourselves back to December when I mentioned him. I'll try to post from there, but I'm not sure they've discovered the internet. C'est la vie. But fear not, loyal readers! I leave you with some reading and a topic to ponder: The Partridge Family were not partridges, nor were they a family. Discuss!

Fresh squeezed by melly at 7:04 PM

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

Like This Road's Going Down Easy
It's been a long undefinable while, and like the heart-shaped cut on my left index finger, I'm tired.
I've always been frightened of James Taylor. I used to like him, sentimentally, when I was younger, for the soft safe songs that I listened to every once in awhile. Then I saw him during the Grammy's and realized that he wasn't some magical Barney figure that made the world a happy place, but a scrappy old man like the rest of the world.
Plus I used to think he sang that "Bitch Girl" song, but it turned out that that was Hall and Oates, whoever they are.
Reminds me of that jumping rope song that goes, "I like to eat, eat, eat, apples and banay-nays", and continues to say something about barley.
Barley and Oates.
As I was saying, it's been a long undefinable while. I'm not quite sure what the "while" bit entailed, whether it stretched 2 hours or 2 weeks or 2 months or hell, 3 years. There's no way to define it, no event to mark to the beginning or the end, no neon flashing arrow that pinpoints, "you are here". It just seems to me that today is the climax of whatever this all is, and that tomorrow must be good for something.
But in the dear sweet interim, I willl clear my mind of all the stuff that's been fluttering around, all the crap that has consumed my mind since last Thursday as I sat eating frozen yogourt.
I think some of this has to do with the barrage of family gatherings that have just finished, and the vacation to Ye Great Butter Dish that is yet to come. (Butter dish? Land 'O' Lakes? Minn-ee-SOH-tah? My mind is void of humor.)
The water is cold and the deck is warm, and I just need to lie down awhile. Perhaps Mister Taylor will lull me to sleep, and perhaps the freckle-faced He will arrive.
'Cause like the heart-shaped cut on my left index finger, I'm rather tired.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 7:02 PM

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Lessons in Banality
Permit me to speak of my family once more.
Why, why, why do all of my sane relatives live on opposite ends of the country from me? Why are my only sane relatives the ones that are my 2nd cousins once removed, or something of that sort? Why do only my sane relatives wear flipflops? Is there some sort of correlation between these points?
Leah VandenAaker, while still having to live with the bane of her Dutch last name (in New Jersey. Are there even that many Dutch desendents in Jersey? It's like being Eithiopian in Kansas), has earned so many brownie points today for saying "Damn" when she spilled some casserole on the floor, and then as the room quieted in shock of the unholy language, she says, "Shit. Dad told me all you Michigan people are really religious."
She then picked up the casserole from the floor and things resumed normally.
PLUS, I found out that I have a second cousin from California that was once on the show "Boston Public". While it is a FOX show, and while he did not have a speaking part, I still think this is pretty cool.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 10:26 PM