Saturday, November 02, 2002

I'm getting an extra 20 bucks a week now, thanks to a babysitting job I just landed.
Hello, Mall. Nice to see you again.
I never said money doesn't help you find yourself. In fact, I think it aides it.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 2:20 PM

I've kept getting error messages the last couple of times I've tried to post. Hopefully this will go through. Maybe I'm hoping it won't. I can't stand the thought that people I don't even know are getting an inside look at my thoughts, while the people that mean the most to me are completely oblivious.
Makes you just want to get away.
If I was old enough, I swear I'd run away from home and live by myself. I'd take some money from my bank account (nicely plushed up via grandparents and birthday money) and rent an apartment somewhere on the east coast....or maybe just a hotel room with computer and internet access. I could get a job designing web pages or babysitting or working at meijer's or anything...and also keep writing in this blog. It'd be an adventure. A dang good one.
I bet if my life were a tv show, my ratings would go sky high.
Or maybe my blog is the mode of entertainment, and my blog is my life.
Sad, how your life becomes a text-based narrative. Void of color, of sound...just little words typed into a machine.
Oh, that's too depressing of a thought.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 11:53 AM

Goood morning. It's kinda rainy here, but that could be a good thing. It makes the air smell all pretty and such.
I have problems with success. I always wish I could do better, be better..I always wish that someday I'll become a celebrity of sorts. I want people to recognize me on the street. I want people to listen to me, my ideas. I want people to love me. I want people I want people to know my name.
I'm very egotistical. In all of those things, "people" have to do the work- not me. I can't ever just start with myself. It's never my fault. But oh, how it is.
Maybe if I wasn't so shy about my image, people would recognize me. Maybe if I wasn't so introverted, I could share my ideas in the first place. Maybe if I wasn't so emotionally closed, I could be open to emotion from others.
Maybe if I wasn't myself, I could be all that I want to be....or is that a scarier concept than not living up to my own standards in the first place?
I have wanted Nick for 4 years, and I haven't done anything about it. I want to be a lawyer, but I'm afraid that won't live up to my family's expectations of me. I want sing, but I'm afraid to do so in public.
I want.
I want to be myself. There.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 10:42 AM

Friday, November 01, 2002

Dang it. David's not on AIM currently.
You all must think I'm an idiot, to fall for people so easy. I gotta tell you something: I am.
I guess I've crushed on Nick for about 4 years now, so maybe that redeems myself. Or just pushes me farther decide. David and Gianpaulo are just recent things, I swear. Dang hormones.
I've got a disease...

Fresh squeezed by melly at 7:15 PM

School dance today. If I hear the song "Ice ice baby" one more time, I'll....
Nevermind, I'm partially deaf anyway, thanks to "DJ Sticky". I swear, that has GOT to be the worst name for a DJ ever. Except for maybe "DJ Rodent", or something.
Slow songs really suck when you don't have a boyfriend. You feel so out of place standing there in the middle of all of these couples hugging each other. I was about to just leave until David came up and asked Meaghan to dance. He was so nervous, and she was wondering what the heck was going on.
I just stood there thinking "aww, how cute".
Then I realized I my "aww" was more in self-pity. Why couldn't David dance with me?
I'm awful, aren't I?
Not as bad as "DJ Rodent", I suppose.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 5:10 PM

Thursday, October 31, 2002

If I could ride this slide into forever
What would I give
To get away?
Maybe a spoon.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:47 PM

I just cooked dinner. I'm not sure if I'll be able to eat it, for health and mental reasons.
Chicken-and-broccoli cassarole.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:32 PM

Happyhappyhappy Halloween.
Well. Kinda happy. I get candy duty tonight.
Meagan came up with a theory today about why certain girls are so popular. She believes its exponential to their height and boob size. The shorter you are and the bigger boobs you have, the better.
I found this very disheartening and shallow. (Of course, I'm 5'7 and can still wear a training bra).
Math was great today. David and Kerry and I just talked all hour. We just kind of goofed around, gossiped, planned for futile goals...I needed that. I have a lot of futile goals.
When I was walking home through the rain today, I noticed that leaves make prints where they lay before a rain. It was kind of neato, seeing hundreds of dry patches of leaf-shaped asphalt, waiting to be swallowed up in the mass.
Neato or sad. I can't decide.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 3:11 PM

Wednesday, October 30, 2002

She loves to hit balls. Hard. (Insert perverted laughing here).
No, really. She does...when she's playing volleyball. (ha! see the pun?)
I accomplished two things tonight- a) I played with the JV team in practice tonight, and it was awesome. Even though I sucked in comparison to them. I mean, here I am, still in middle school, playing with sophomores. And most of them are blonde. Do you know how puny that can make you feel? b) I talked about myself in third person. See above.
Not bad.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 8:48 PM

Sometimes I wonder about why people act the way they do. Why things sound the way the do. If the Milky Way alone is 100,000 light years across, and is only one galaxy out of 25 in the "Local Group", and there's bajillions more galaxy clusters.....
Why am I here? Does anything I do really matter? Could it effect anything?

Get high on milk, 'cause the cows are on grass.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:26 PM

Some people have comfort food; I have comfort words. Words that are smooth, reassuring, everyday.
Yellow. Virginia. Toast. Bloom. Happy. Spoon.
I like spoon the best, I think. I like how the vowels form in your mouth. I like the knowledge that you can always find a few in a drawer. I like the "s" in the beginning of the word..."s" for slow, "s" for serene. I like how spoons are how they sound- long and round at the end.
There are bad words too, like hate and pavement and crumple and naked and cat and waif.
Can you harm cats with spoons?

Fresh squeezed by melly at 3:11 PM

Tuesday, October 29, 2002

I did an internet search for my name a few minutes ago with the help of I used Meredith instead of Melly...I wanted the results to be truthful. Or something equally profound. Here's what I came up with:
meredith is cool
meredith is an idiot shakespeare scholars shakespeare
meredith is the rose
meredith is perfect for preparing quick
meredith is audrey prince
meredith is a private women's liberal arts college with 2600 students
meredith is eric #1 fan
meredith is 2 today
meredith is also developing a very weird sense of humor
meredith is a high
meredith is both ordinary and legendary
meredith is best known as the first african
meredith is unable to curb a natural impulse to investigate
meredith is awesome
meredith is laughing
meredith is known for excellent academics
meredith is april 6
meredith is an historical
meredith is a girl on the delicate brink of her preteen years
meredith is 30 and is taking some time off from work to care for a our beautiful daughter
meredith is afraid that she's finally having that corporate nervous breakdown
meredith is the founder and executive director of break the cycle
meredith is around 18 months
meredith is shy and not inclined to respond to heath's neighborly overtures
meredith is not full blood sidhe
meredith is to use small tackle and fish slowly
meredith is approximately 1654
meredith is beautiful
meredith is making a positive change in the quality of our region
meredith is on a mission
meredith is also giving us a huge double ring of roses around her perimeter and a sweet petit
meredith is a popular texas playground
meredith is considered the "latchkey to the white mountains"
meredith is currently the president of the virginia tech corporate research center
meredith is d
meredith is a midwesterner at heart Pah! Can't wait to get out of Michigan.
meredith is audrey prince award winner
meredith is deploying microsoft windows® xp professional
meredith is lead scientist of the ars cotton germplasm/genetics research team at the jamie whitten delta states research center in stoneville
meredith is a pianist and also likes acting
meredith is known as an innovative communicator known for delivering dynamic presentations with
meredith is a great presenter
meredith is always at the centre of any local issue
meredith is a class a member of the lpga teaching and club professional division
meredith is not quite as wild and lacks the carnival atmosphere of the weirs
meredith is a former minister of wcg
meredith is a passionate 'constitutionalist' carrying the torch of america's founding fathers by teaching people to educate
meredith is blessed with another gift; he's a polyglot
meredith is smart and savvy and proves a daunting adversary
meredith is on the canadian river ten miles west of borger in hutchinson county
meredith is a member of the board of the center to prevent handgun violence and has lobbied extensively on behalf of the brady bill
meredith is just one of my favorite actresses cuz i think she is really believable and i like watching her in movies
meredith is 56th in career earnings
meredith is showing who is in charge
meredith is not going to help ivan if it offends mr blake
meredith is responsible for all controller functions
meredith is not obligated to respond to
meredith is by no means limited to one message
meredith is frequently engaged as a brass soloist
meredith is an
meredith is not alone
meredith is a poster girl for feminists; she writes songs about how she feels
meredith is extensively quoted
meredith is a gifted spiritual counselor
meredith is doing that
meredith is a child of the working
meredith is almost as heartbroken as lavinia's husband
meredith is the older sibling of a brother
meredith is a trained nobody?s perfect facilitator and has worked with parents at mission native housing
meredith is a novelist whom many readers have discovered with excitement
meredith is a clinical graduate student specializing in neuropsychology
meredith is sustaining growth by adapting as its core market evolves
meredith is also involved with residence hall council in whitmyre hall and the national residence hall honorary
meredith is trained as a clinical psychologist
meredith is almost 4 years old
meredith is an american original
meredith is the one our viewers can relate to most
meredith is currently the president of virginia tech corporate research center
meredith is on
meredith is a shoo
meredith is delighted to have already secured john jardine in the title role of mother goose
meredith is a woman who does not prefer the heavy fragrances of rose
meredith is the ethical investment campaign coordinator
meredith is in da house ;
meredith is the 1
meredith is allergic to the pesticides on produce
meredith is related to organising the bidding and appointments procedure and co
meredith is a graduate of mcgill university?s air & space law institute in montreal
meredith is

Posts in bold are my favorites, for no apparent reason.
And with that, good night.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 8:52 PM

8 Simple Rules is arguably the most cheesy mainstream sitcom on right now.
Well, ok, maybe "girls club" is worse.
Why do I like either show? Not sure. Butbutbut I have happy rays for no apparent reason. It must be my happy sites. (If you are in need of happy, check my links. They make me happy. Very much so.)
I can't decide whether to take a shower and do some homework or just sit on this computer and be happy.
I'm leaning towards the latter. Who needs hygiene?

Fresh squeezed by melly at 8:32 PM

I feel enlightened: LJ stands for "Live Journal". Snarkiness is not a word, but it should be. Germans cough up hairballs when they speak. 8 simple rules is on tonight. I can be a rodeo star if I want to be...but I don't. Metro Toyota is the number one certified dealer in the state, but not of cocaine. My name should be Melly, but it's not.
I'm so smert.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 5:15 PM

Got back from ATYP- my LA class at WMU. Oh the snarkiness. I got a "verbal warning for flirting". How is that possible, you may ask, when Nick is not in that program?
Gianpaulo. Don't try to pronounce it flowery. John-paul-o.
Dang, he's annoying. But kinda cute. He thinks I have "good karma", until I tried to beg him for money.
"Topless Martha Stewart Christmas".
Oh dear God.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:34 PM

Monday, October 28, 2002

I decided to block Nick from my AIM. It's better for my sanity. Or insanity.
Off to do some homework I should have done a week ago.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 9:00 PM

I hate Monday nights. There's nothing on TV.
Do I really sound that pathetic? That I only live for TV?
It's not the worst thing to live for, I suppose.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 8:39 PM

I return to from the mall. With boots. That have heels. I am not the type of person that wears heels- that's what happens when you're 13 and 5'7''. However, for the upcoming career day/ school dance on Friday, I thought that boots were called for. I'm proud of them, but I need practice walking in the dang things. I SHALL STAND TALL.
Excuse me.
Anyway, according to this test, I should pursue psychology, criminology, journalism, or resauranting for my future career path.
Would you like fries with that?

Fresh squeezed by melly at 4:50 PM

Sunday, October 27, 2002

Well, I finished another draft of my paper. Hurray for that, at least.
The rest of my day was a blur, as you could probably guess. But that's done now. Hurray for that, at least.
I'm kinda wiped, so I'm going off to bed- but not before listening to Train. I'm obsessed with the song "Mississippi". It makes me feel all deep and happy and peaceful and stuff.
Hurray for that, at least.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 9:15 PM

Write. Hawthorne. Refrain from exploding.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 8:25 PM

Church. Eat. Volleyball practice. Homework. Group. Eat. Sleep.
No time to talk.

Fresh squeezed by melly at 12:33 PM